Separation - Good

I figured out something. People in my life have been confused why I haven't called or kept in touch with X's family and friends. I never knew exactly why, it was just the way I needed it. But last night, X came to get a key to the old apartment, so he could get some of his things out of storage. When I opened my door to give it to him, I saw that he brought his brother Judah, whom I had only seen once since the divorce. X said that he wanted to say “hi.” Judah gave me a hug and the awkward small talk began. I was really uncomfortable, but Judah is so nice. He mentioned that he was graduating from personal trainer school, but that he would be trying construction for the next year. My aunt had been saying that she wants my cousin Stone to move into construction, so I told him he should find my cousin a place. His blank look caused me to ask his feeling concerning my cousin. He said that he was all right. Then X made fun of Stone, imitating his mannerisms and laugh. When I told him not to do it, he said, “What, have you developed some emotional concern for him?”

“Um, he’s family.” I replied, shaking my head that he would ask that. “So I would appreciate it if you not make fun of him in front of me.”

“I used to be family.” He said.

I looked from him to Judah, and then, taking a deep breath to contain the words that I wanted to say, said, “Well, this has been fun. Judah, it was nice to see you again. Have a good evening.” X gave me a hug, which I wanted no part of.

This would be why I don’t see X’s family or friends any more. This is exactly why. X has a way of throwing little comments in there at times when I can't say anything about it. For instance, the night of that party (the one where Mr. Slick and I had "tangible electricity" and also the last time I hung out with X and his friends) X spent much of the night drunkenly building walls between us with his hands or beer bottles or whatever was nearby. It was immature and embarrassing and unnecessary. Last night was a reminder of how I really don't enjoy being subject to passive aggressive attacks on our mutual decision to part ways. So I will continue living my life sans the X clan. They can think ill of me if they like, that's okay. I don't see them, and that's the way it will stay.