Out of My Hands
She’s BAAAAaaack! Audrey’s trip to Vegas is ended, and life is back to normal. She didn’t even seem more excited than usual to see me when I picked her up from daycare today. Ah such is life. I smothered her in kisses, and she instructed me not to kiss her while wiping them off of her face. Excuse me? When did my just-turned-three year old turn thirteen? I wasn’t quite prepared for that today.
The thing about not being completely in control of your child’s upbringing due to her spending 8+ of her 13 waking hours with daycare staff 5 days a week, and 2-3 days at her dad’s house, I am not in charge of what goes into her head or what comes out of her mouth. Strange children and people are influencing the phrases she says, the games she plays and her entire outlook on life.
Tonight when we were at McDonald’s (a sort of welcome home, mommy’s not ready to cook homemade sort of dinner) she pulled her hamburger out of the wrapping, looked at it and said, “hmm, tastes like chicken.” I couldn’t think of one possible time that I have ever said that in front of her or even seen a show that said that. It is a harmless phrase, but it had a lasting effect on me. Later in the evening, I was sitting at the computer. She came into my room after getting reacquainted with her toys, looked at the monitor, which bore the mugshot of that woman that cut off her child’s arms, and said, “Look at that pretty lady mommy. I want to be her. She is so pretty. Can I be her?” I patted her head, and stared at the woman’s face. I wondered if she might have done things differently had she known there was a child that thinks she is pretty enough to want to be her or if more people had said kind things to her, and I wondered when my daughter got into the “I want to be her” phase. I thought that children were satisfied just to be themselves for more than the first three years.
The thing about not being completely in control of your child’s upbringing due to her spending 8+ of her 13 waking hours with daycare staff 5 days a week, and 2-3 days at her dad’s house, I am not in charge of what goes into her head or what comes out of her mouth. Strange children and people are influencing the phrases she says, the games she plays and her entire outlook on life.
Tonight when we were at McDonald’s (a sort of welcome home, mommy’s not ready to cook homemade sort of dinner) she pulled her hamburger out of the wrapping, looked at it and said, “hmm, tastes like chicken.” I couldn’t think of one possible time that I have ever said that in front of her or even seen a show that said that. It is a harmless phrase, but it had a lasting effect on me. Later in the evening, I was sitting at the computer. She came into my room after getting reacquainted with her toys, looked at the monitor, which bore the mugshot of that woman that cut off her child’s arms, and said, “Look at that pretty lady mommy. I want to be her. She is so pretty. Can I be her?” I patted her head, and stared at the woman’s face. I wondered if she might have done things differently had she known there was a child that thinks she is pretty enough to want to be her or if more people had said kind things to her, and I wondered when my daughter got into the “I want to be her” phase. I thought that children were satisfied just to be themselves for more than the first three years.
posted by The Narcissist at 7:37 PM
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