the grudge keeper

Absentee family members have always been a part of my life, or maybe the point is that they weren't a part of my life and that was because of the absenteesim. I had grandparents on my father's side, but I've seen them but a few times. I reacted to the death of my grandfather with the sort of 'ah, that's too bad' spirit one greets the death of a celebrity, or maybe less so, because often times one has an emotional connection to a celebrity, such that the loss of his life is truly felt. I have 13 aunts and uncles, full-blooded, on my father's side alone, with countless cousins and grand-cousins, but I don't know any of them. Sadder than all of that to me, well aside from the fact that I have no idea where my dad is, is that my brother has joined the ranked of my absentee family members, and it is all because of a girl, whom I am coming to resent in more ways than I can express, but let me give it a go.

This girl keeps grudges better than anybody on the face of the planet. If they had awards for grudge-keepers all the other nominees would drop out in deference to her superiority in the art of grudge-keeping.

Case numero uno: Back when I was still married to Sam, and just after I'd moved back to Seattle from South Carolina, I was doing the stay-at-home mom bit. She is a nanny. The two combined gave us plenty of time to bond, and bond we did that summer, that is until we planned one last camping trip, the last one of the season. I was so excited about our camping trip. It was going to be a blast, we had our wine coolers (yeah, yeah) and our marshmallows, and our map to find the hot springs you have to camp to and it was going to be great. But then they cancelled. She was tired or something. Cancelling is usually okay, understandable in fact, but never if you wait until the day before. I was pissed off. I was livid. It was rude, and I was severely disappointed. But she got mad that I was mad about it, which I got over in no time, and she stayed angry at me forever, thus making it impossible for her to come to any family events....my daughter's first steps, my bro and she were no shows, her first birthday party? no show...it kept on this way for a very long time. She doesn't even talk to her own sister because of a grudge concerning the period they were roommates. She didn't even call her on her birthday.

So She and I got to be good friends over the summer again and as a result, I got to see my brother quite regularly, and I was so relieved, but unfortunately I had let down my guard. I had forgotten that to be friends with her is to walk constantly on egg shells. One day I trod too hard upon our fragile friendship. I spoke my mind, thus hurting her feelings. No amount of apologizing made a difference, for she didn't believe my sincerity. Since that time at the end of the summer, I rarely see my brother, he doesn't answer the phone when I call, he turns down all invitations for family functions, he even stood up a friend that he hadn't seen in 12 years because of this whole mess.

I called him about it, but he is choosing her over us and his family. He says that we have to give it time. We have to wait for her to come around, but I have no respect for a woman that serves as a wedge between a man and his family. It is wrong and I can't believe that he is allowing her to do that. She is living in the lala land of toddlers and playschool where you just fold your arms and sit in the corner and pout until you feel that the person learned her lesson. Well, Roxy don't play dat. I learned my lesson, indeed, and it's not to befriend someone whose affections are based purely upon how softly you coddle them.

I mourn the loss of a relationship with my brother. I am a very family-oriented person, and really, family is all I have right now, and it saddens me deeply that I don' t have him in my life because of a manipulative, immature girlfriend, but you know what?

Rant over...